Saturday, September 8, 2012

He Is NEVER Allowed To Leave Again

I have no pictures to go along with this post, and for that you should be thankful.

I have a gross, disgusting story to tell you.  I'm warning you right now that you probably don't want to read this.  Leave now if you must.

Earlier this week, Brian had to go out of town for two days.  He rarely ever has to travel with his job, so I am not accustomed to having him away, especially during the week.  A few years back, he had to be gone for a whole week THREE DIFFERENT TIMES, and it was awful.  Every time he leaves, something goes wrong.  One time, we had a car problem situation.  Another time, we had a leak in our roof.  Seriously, something goes wrong every single time.  So I guess I should have expected that this time would be no different.

He left at the ungodly hour of 5:00 am.  So I was pretty much awake from then on, and I actually got up early.  I should stop here to tell you that I have the best husband in the world.  What? I've already told you that? Well, here's further proof.  He always makes the kids lunches, helps them with breakfast, and takes the dog out/feeds him every morning.  I knew it would be a little harder without his help, but I got up early, remember?

It was so nice to wake up to an upset stomach (mine).  I'm sure it was just my nerves anticipating what was about to unfold.  I had no choice but to start getting ready anyway.  I took the dog outside, then went back up to put my makeup on.  Then I heard both kids yelling, "Yuck, Max stinks!"  That usually means that he has diarrhea.  You see where this is going, right?  Before I could even get in the next room, I heard, "Oh no, it's on my bed!" That's right, dog diarrhea on Parker's quilt.  Clean up began.  Then I tried to get Max into the bathroom so I could clean him up.  He got scared because he thought I was going to give him a bath.  So he ran down the steps, peeing ALL THE WAY DOWN ON EVERY STEP.  Clean up continued.  As I was cleaning the steps, Claire was yelling that a huge spider is in the hallway about to eat her alive.  Spider killing commenced.  So by that time, it was 30 minutes from time we needed to leave, and I was not at all ready, the kids hadn't had breakfast, and lunches weren't packed.  I finally got my upset stomach self pulled together enough to get dressed.

When I finally made it downstairs to get us all out the door, I went to Max's crate to get his bone out for him.  You don't even want to know what I found in there.  Throw up.  Dog throw up.  Everywhere.  When I tried to lift his blanket out that contained the mess, the throw up went all over the floor.  So I started crying.  What else was there to do?  I gagged and cried and cleaned.  And then I gagged some more.  Unbelievably, we made it to school  on time.

And that was just Day One.

(I am thankful to report that Max is all better.  I am all better.  The quilt survived.  The steps look just as dirty as always, but not any worse.  No more spiders have been spotted.  Best of all ~ Brian is back home with us, and all is right with the world.)


Rachael said...

That's bad...

Christi said...

I am so sorry, but I was laughing all the way through this post. It does seem like when the hubby leaves, something crazy happens. I am glad that you survived. Ha!